Helping Kids Have A Healthy Relationship With Media
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
It’s time for dinner so you turn off the TV and your 5 year old’s demeanor suddenly shifts to anger and rebellion. You try to reason with them that it’s time to eat now that they’ve finished their favorite episode of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, but they still won’t budge.
This scenario is often experienced in many homes, namely my own. And I’ve scratched my head so many times because I just could not figure out a solution to a more peaceful transition from the screen to off the screen. So I began to make some changes in our home, and I noticed a huge difference with my daughter. You see, she had an unhealthy attachment to the TV that was causing negative behavioral responses when we turned off the screen. So I was determined to help her create new, healthy boundaries with media so she could enjoy the benefits of TV that was appropriate for her.
The process took some time, especially since we were navigating this newfound relationship with media (TV) through the COVID-10 pandemic. However, it showed me the value of helping my kids develop a healthy relationship with media while they’re young so that they can carry good practices as they mature. There were a few things that really helped my daughter and some additional research based tips that I will share with you.
Set appropriate parameters around media usage
When thinking about what parameters or boundaries to set around media usage, consider the following:
Is it age appropriate?
“The early and/or prolonged exposure of children as young as 2 years to violent content over a digital medium like TV has been linked to risk of developing increased antisocial behavior and decreased prosocial behavior at a later age.”(1) The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises parents to be cautious about age-appropriate media. Make sure you understand what TV shows, video games, apps, etc. your child is exposed to and what you are allowing them to view.
Is this a reasonable time limit?
Creating reasonable time limits and enforcing them is extremely important because children should not be dedicating the majority of their day engaging in media. Research has shown correlations of excessive screen-time in children with issues in physical and psychological development.(2) There are recommended screen time limits from AAP that are constantly being revised and re-evaluated as media usage and trends change–especially with the popularity of online connection throughout the pandemic. A “reasonable” time limit may sound vague, but media usage has become so nuanced that it’s difficult to give hard cutoff limitations for school-aged children and teenagers. Post-pandemic, children are now using screens a whole lot more for educational or communication purposes (facetime, zoom calls, etc.) and notable organizations like UNICEF and AAP have come out with evidence that shows we need to consider screen-time limitations contextually, and by what type of media is being used as well as its purpose. Perhaps you have flexible screen-time for homework and/or facetime with friends before bedtime, but give hard cutoff times for gaming or TV.
Am I ok with my child using media/screens in this location?
Location is sometimes overlooked, but is crucial in keeping safe boundaries for your child. If your child has a TV set up in their room, are you able to see what they are watching? If your child has a personal device like a tablet or smartphone, are you ok if they take their devices into a locked room, like the bathroom? This is not to assume that all children are up to no good with media and devices–these are just scenarios for parents to consider as a layer of protection. Some families only allow media in the living room because it’s a public space where everyone can see or hear what someone is doing. This creates a safety net for accountability and awareness.
Is what they’re using helpful or harmful?
The media options for kids to engage in is an ever-evolving and growing list. Make sure you know what your child is watching or taking part-in so you can determine whether or not the content is edifying for their growing mind or potentially causing harm. Social media is a disputed area where research has shown many negative effects on teenagers, particularly girls. However, some families are able to experience positive benefits from appropriate and regulated usage of certain social media accounts. Violent video games have been around since us as parents were kids, and they certainly are still prevalent today. Make sure to watch out for red flags in media that portray self-harm, harm to others, and unhealthy competition or comparison that could negatively impact your child.
Intentionally create connection in your home
One of the downfalls of media usage is when children or teens spend a majority of their time engaged in media and spend less time engaging in face-to-face interactions and offline activities.
Think about the whole child.
When thinking about a healthy relationship with media, we need to consider the bigger picture, which is the health of the whole child. Some questions to consider: Is my child eating balanced meals? Is my child getting enough sleep for their age? Is my child engaging in physical activity? Is my child socially engaging with others in person? Does my child have interests and hobbies in activities (that are technology-free)?
Be cognizant of your own media usage as a parent.
How much time are you spending watching TV or engaging on your phone in front of your child? Most parents already know this, but our children model after our behaviors, so it’s time to take a survey of our own relationship with media and whether or not we are practicing good habits in front of our children.
Connect as a family–technology-free.
Creating a balance of offline connection and activities is essential for relationship building. Kids and teenagers are still developing their social-emotional skills (how to share, take turns, keep a conversation, problem solve, read social cues, practice empathy, etc). Part of a healthy lifestyle is having quality and regular family time to build these relational skills and social interactions. Something as simple as having a family activity after dinner, like a board game or shooting hoops at the park.
Co-engage in media with your child.
The AAP recommends that parents co-share media usage with kids and teens to improve child-parent relations. Sitting with your child to watch their favorite TV show or playing a video game with them can open your eyes to their world and help you understand them better. It also give you the opportunity to talk about certain topics regarding what they see or hear in media so they don’t create false assumptions when engaging in media alone. The first time I allowed my daughter to watch The Lion King, I was able to skip through the scene where Mufasa falls off a cliff. For many reasons, including age, it was not something I felt comfortable letting her watch at the time. Because I sat with her through the entire movie, I was able to intervene, and when she got old enough, I could converse with her about Mufasa’s fall and the implications that came with it. But before she was ready for that, we were able to co-engage in the other parts of the movie and then talk about all the magnificent animals she saw in the movie and answer all her burning questions about Africa.
Educate and empower your child on technology
I’m a firm believer that it’s never too early to educate our children. If our hope is for our kids to have a healthy relationship with media, we need to be open and honest with them about technology, media, and the internet. Kids may not understand the purpose of having access to internet or devices that help us engage in different medias. Have ongoing discussions revolving around media usage and what looks appropriate and what does not. If not yet, our children will one day be more technologically advanced than us. If we empower the youth to be responsible citizens that engage with technology and media appropriately, we are making a difference in their future.
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(1) (2) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8214131/ "Screen-time" for children and adolescents in COVID-19 times: Need to have the contextually informed perspective
https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/setting-up-a-healthy-media-relationship-with-your-child
