What is After-School Restraint Collapse and How to Combat It

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

My daughter’s preschool uses this app for parents where they would send out pictures and updates throughout the day. I could see what activities she’s participating in and how happy she is while she’s at school. At school pick-up, it’s obvious how sociable she is with her classmates and her teachers by the way she says her goodbyes to everyone. Her typical day at school seems happy, maybe even perfect—that is, until we get into the car. 

Like a light switch, my daughter’s entire demeanor would change in our car ride home. I would lose my happy-go-lucky child who walked out of her classroom. In the car ride home I would proceed to ask her about her day, like any eager parent missing their child would. In return, I would get hit with replies like, “I don’t want to talk about it right now”.

I didn’t get it. In fact, I was confused and frustrated. What happened to my sweet, fun and excitable girl? 

If any of this sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. Experts call this phenomenon the after-school restraint collapse. I know, it’s wordy, but all it really means is the meltdown behavior a child has after school gets out.

WHAT IS AFTER-SCHOOL RESTRAINT COLLAPSE?

After-school restraint collapse is a term coined by parenting educator, Andrea Loewen Nair. It’s described as a set of challenging behaviors or a meltdown that happens when kids finish their school day. 

Basically, children can exert an enormous amount of energy, restraint, and social practice while they are at school, or schooling from home. They’re doing what’s expected of them to sit still, listen, learn, follow school rules and uphold social norms. When school is over and they get home, they let go of the exterior guard that they’ve been carrying all day. 

When they transition from the school setting to the home setting, kids are releasing a lot of emotional, social, and mental tension that may have built up throughout the day. A lot of times it may feel like your child is falling apart after school because they start acting out by whining, being moody, crying, getting angry, acting more needy, or having a plain old temper tantrum. 

According to psychotherapist, Nancy Brooks, this phenomenon is not uncommon among children under 12. In fact, it is something that they will grow out of as they become more emotionally mature. 

WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD AFTER SCHOOL

Thankfully, there are simple ways to mitigate this problem for your kids. A few simple adjustments after school can work for elementary aged kids, preschool or daycare children; basically anyone who struggles with the after-school restraint collapse. If your child is in homeschool or in distance learning this applies as well. With the rise of students transitioning to online schooling there is a huge shift for kids getting acquainted with their new routine and way of school life. For kids who just started kindergarten or moved up from elementary to middle school, they are experiencing a big jump in expectations and norms so it’s very likely that they are expending more energy from this transitional year. 

Here are some ways that can help ease the after-school transition. 

Give Your Child Some Space

Oftentimes parents are eager to hear about their child’s school day right off the bat. Although we are well meaning, it may come off as irritating to a child who has built up a lot of pressure from all their school responsibilities throughout their day. Give them space to unwind and allow their minds to relax. 

Think of it this way... a full-time working adult is able to decompress after work by listening to their favorite podcast on their commute home. Once they arrive home, they’re more stable and ready to tackle dinner, chores, or whatever responsibility they have at home because they’ve had some time to regroup. 

Allowing your child to decompress when they get home gives them the chance to hit the reset button too.

Replenish Their Bodies

Ever heard of the term “hangry”? From toddlers to adults, we all get it from time to time. A great way to ease the after-school transition is to meet your child’s physical needs. Provide a healthy snack and something to hydrate when your child is finished with school. Even if you know your kid just had lunch, give them something small when they get home. 

Food not only nourishes our bodies, but the gesture of getting greeted with a snack can also speak to their love language and make them feel nurtured. 

Offer a Physical Activity

A physical activity after school can be helpful in bringing balance to kids’ minds and bodies. Harvard Health says that “​​Exercise reduces levels of the body's stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. It also stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that are the body's natural painkillers and mood elevators...Endorphins are responsible for the "runner's high" and for the feelings of relaxation and optimism that accompany many hard workouts”.

Tweak physical activities to your child’s interests. If they like basketball, encourage them to shoot some hoops when they get home. If your little one is the type that seems to always be bouncing off the walls, let them blow off some steam in the backyard. For a list of physical activities to do at home check out this post. 

Model What Calm Looks Like

As parents, we can experience after-work restraint collapse too! Being able to model a healthy work life balance and display what calm looks like after work is a huge tool to help your kids. Positive mental health in a family starts with the parents. As we all know, kids are like sponges and they will imitate how parents react to stressful situations, the good and the bad. Model ways to positively decompress when you get home. You can even take it a step further and talk to them about why you do these things and how they make you feel better. 

If you’re working from home and your child is doing school at home, work together with your child to navigate this new territory of transitioning from “work/school mode” to “home mode”. Be open to sharing this experience with your child. 

Kids are not typically aware of why they experience the emotions they do. Help them understand they have a safe space at home to release their emotions and show them how to do it in a healthy way.

While there can be a lot of contributing factors as to why kids experience after-school restraint collapse, be hopeful that your kids are developing resiliency in these early years. As the school year progresses, many kids will make progress as they get more adjusted to their school routine.

Let us know—how do you handle your kids’ after-school transition?

You Might Also Like:

A Parent's Guide: Back to School in the New "Normal"

How To Safeguard Your Child's Mental Health

ref:

https://www.mother.ly/back-to-school/tips-and-tricks/if-your-child-falls-apart-after-school-theres-a-good-reason-why

https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/school-age/after-school-restraint-collapse-is-a-real-thing-heres-how-to-deal-with-it/